What is meant for me?

    Scrolling through my Instagram feed, I saw a post way back 2021. It was exactly year now when I doubt my potentials as a blogger. I mean, I was blogging since 2018, and there was no improvement from my following. It was hard to maintain what I had on Instagram. And it frustrated me. It made me feel unworthy of what I love to do.

    I loved dressing up, and I blogged it online. But the algorithm, which was one of the worst thing on Instagram, seemed to be a problem. I couldn't keep up the algorithm and I didn't know if once I hit it or not. I tried searching how algorithm works, but I doubted it was the real deal.

    Some people hired a social media manage to manage their accounts. When I asked how much the service, it was around 25k - 40k. That was a lot of money! I was just a student right now and I don't have that much money yet, or the amount was just crazy that even though I was working, it seemed that all my money would be alotted for that, which was not practical at all.

    Is pursuing your passion, this expensive? Or it costs so much?

    So now I was back to square one, thinking if I just pursue it or if I would just move to Mys Tyler for my OOTDs, because I know it will be something that will stay permanent after all this loathing and insecurities.

    I could always post my videos on Tiktok and might could be something big later on - or I was just getting ahead of myself. I really wanna rebrand my Instagram account, and tried something new or it would be just my dump account, or could be a book account or could be a podcast since I do both.

    I was asking my friends on what I needed to do, and they were both told me to take a break from time to time. But right now, taking a break was the least on my priority. I wanted figure it out so bad. I was wanting to archive mostly of my works on Instagram and started again my OOTDs on Mys Tyler.

    Right now, I was so confused. I didn't know what to do. I was so lost right now. I didn't know if this was just a challenge to see how much I love this stuff or a sign I should stop already. I didn't know if I had done enough or there was still a part of me where I didn't give my best yet.

    Yes, I was happy doing this and that. And that seemed to be not enough. The loathe weighed out the happiness. And I just couldn't keep up. 

    If I archived them, could I still make more beautiful memories with my dresses? Right? I could always wear them and could take a nice picture and post it online, right? I just need to start over. I may not have the same video editing skills, or have a big crew to shoot me, I could always try it my way, right?

    This was hard about pursuing your passion. When struggle met you, you didn't know if you had to stop or if that was just a challenge to your career. And it was confusing when you had to listen to your heart or let your brain decide because it knew best.

    Aish.

xx.